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Dec 7, 2023

As a husband and father, Ben Serpell has been tempted by passivity plenty of times. It was only after confronting certain fears that he was able to begin living with full power. In this episode, he shares practical examples of how to set a high standard of love in your home. Plus, you’ll learn why “winning vs losing” is the wrong mindset and how a learner’s approach will help you extract more wisdom from your parenting journey. 



Key Takeaways


  • When you shift from a “winning vs losing” mindset to “winning vs learning,” you can continue to grow without having to start from the beginning. 
  • Your job as a parent is not to rescue your children from hardship but to sit with them as they learn necessary lessons. 
  • As a man, you should be setting the standard of love in your home through sacrifice. 
  • Passivity is birthed from fear of failure and fear of rejection.


Ben Serpell


Ben Serpell moved from Australia to America at the age of 18 and married his wife, Brittney, one year later. They have been married for two decades and have three children. Ben and Brittney both serve on the leadership team at Loving On Purpose, where they provide marriage and family coaching through conferences, online workshops, and more. 


Key Quotes


  • 4:33 - "If it's either winning or losing, then someone's losing and someone's winning. If you talk about an argument, if you talk about connection, if you talk about you and your kids and even you and yourself, which is the biggest one where we need to start, especially as dads. If I'm losing today, then I have to start over. If I'm learning then this is stuff I can use for tomorrow's victory."
  • 15:33 - "It is hard to watch your child struggle. Oh, it's so hard. But, I think what we do if we're not managing our own insecurity on the inside is we try and rescue our kids from that trouble and then we take away again, well, we're back to the learning. We take away the learning. What the Holy Spirit does is He'll come sit with us and go, Oh, that looks heavy. Wow. What do you think happened? What do you need from me? How can I help? I have a whole slew of resources back here. It's just waiting for you. And it probably starts with peace. Let's get some joy back. Let's get some truth in there. And let's begin to walk together. But I'm going to sit with you and I'm fine if you feel it. I can handle you sitting in your mess for a minute, and I'm going to bring comfort to that person rather than rescue that person."


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